Graduation Time!!

Here are some pictures from graduation weekend. It was lots of fun. Our families came into town and made it a very special time for us.

Our convocations were scheduled for the same time, so we had to decide on a college to walk with. I won rock-paper-scissors so we walked with the college of life sciences. Unfortunately my college is a pretty big one so it took almost an hour and 45 minutes to just read all the names! Wow! Sorry guys! It surprised me how happy I was walking across that stage. I looked to my side and saw Dan, looked up at the bleachers and saw my wonderful family... that's just something you can't beat. This is a big accomplishment for Dan and I and it really would not have been possible without those around us who love us. Our families made our schooling just as much of a priority for them as it was for us. Thank you so much!

After graduation we had a party at my parents house with friends and family. I was happy to see our closest friends and it made me really happy to live in Provo (I NEVER thought I would say that). But honestly, it's been a great place to go to school, and I feel really lucky to have met the people that we have.


I love days like this that break up Dan's treatment into small, "do-able" installments. They give us a fresh breath of air and energize us to keep going and to do better.

Goodbye school, hello real world!!!!

Home Sweet Home

Dan is once again at the hospital doing his fourth cycle. It's high dose methotrexate followed by a couple days of a recovery drug to get the methotrexate out of his system. He should get to go home tomorrow!

A couple of things happened recently that made me laugh.

Our nieces and nephews came to visit yesterday. We sat in the lobby and ate dinner that they brought. After dinner Dan wanted to get back to bed so I walked him back to the room. When I returned to the lobby, my niece Katie said "Can we go back to your apartment to say bye to Uncle Dan?" Our APARTMENT? Oh boy. These poor kids have seen us in this hospital far more than they have seen us in our own home.
Then I remembered what had happened the day before. Our good friends Kavin and Ali came to visit (thanks guys!!) and before they came I found myself tidying up the hospital room! I cleared away old food trays, straightened up our suitcase, and cleared Dan's bed tray. Haha! I stopped and thought about how funny it was that I was treating the hospital room like our own home.

In some ways it does kind of feel like home. Dan and I just added up all of the days that we have spent in the hospital. Our best guess is that all together, we have stayed overnight in the hospital for about 98 days. Wow! That's a third of a year. Three straight months spent at the Huntsman Cancer Hospital. No wonder Katie thinks we live here... sometimes I think we live here!

Thanks for the love and prayers that we continually feel coming our way. We are excited to graduate next week! Love you all!

This is the last night in the hospital... at least for another couple of weeks. This hospital stay has been different. The nausea hasn't been THAT bad, but there has been something else. Dan has been very anxious. Now, those of you who know Dan will know how weird this is. Dan is someone who is normally very laid back so I know this is from the ifosfomide they are giving him. The doctors warned us about this side effect but I've never really seen it until this time.

His skin is crawling and all he talks about is leaving this room. He's very uncomfortable but he can't find the right words to describe it. It's kind of bizarre. This has led me to the conclusion that physical ailments are much easier to deal with than mental and emotional ones.

He tries to watch TV to pass the time, or play games on his iPod touch, but it's just not working. The only thing that seems to calm him is when I sing. Ha! Imagine that! I know it sounds crazy... in fact, I'm pretty sure it's what is causing the nausea :) He also likes it when I just talk. Not like a conversation with him, but just hearing the sound of my voice. I think sometimes we want something from technology that it just can't give us. Maybe sometimes we should turn off the TV, iPod, computer, etc, and look for the relaxation and unwinding in the voice of our loved ones. We all could use more face to face conversation and interaction.

Wow, I don't know how that turned into a soapbox comment about society. But, there you go.

On a lighter note, the Huntsman hospital had an Easter Egg Hunt yesterday for the patients and their families. All of my neices and nephews got to be there. It was so much fun! I could account for about 75% of the kids there and it made me feel pretty good. They were all very eager to tell people about their Uncle Dan and how cool he is. We sure love those cute kids. Dan didn't feel well enough to join in the festivities, so afterward they all brought some eggs to decorate his room. They are hanging from his bed and IV pole (the eggs, not the kids. haha).

Only one more cycle to go!! After his next cycle they will scan his lungs. Depending on how that looks they will decide what to do next. Maybe more chemo, surgery, or radiation. We hope that this chemo has made those nodules in his lungs shrink, but we'll see. If there's one thing I know, it's that the Lord is in charge. He is guiding our life, and whatever happens is part of a big plan. This plan is sometimes confusing, hard, sad, and scary but it is always hopeful. We always can find hope and peace when we need it. All I have to do is ask (and Dan and I ask all the time!) and the peace comes. That's how I know who is in charge.

Family Pictures

Can you call them "family pictures" when the "family" only consists of two people? I think so.

In March when Dan went into remission (whatever that word means) and his hair grew back, I regretted not having more pictures of us together. For one: he just looks really good bald!


And two: I just wanted to better preserve this stage in our life. So, on Monday my sister took some pictures of me and Dan when he was at the end of his chemo cycle and feeling well. I think they turned out pretty cute! Thanks Em! You can see all the pictures she took if you click her photography website "Elm Tree Photography" to the right. She's awesome.

When I look at these pictures I see how lucky I am. The bald head and dark circles around his eyes show the wear and tear on his body. Chemotherapy has taken it's physical toll on most things.... except for his beautiful smile.

I've said it before, but I'll say it again... he's such a stud! I feel like these pictures capture happiness, and I really want to remember the happiness that surrounds us through this time.

Thanks for indulging me with this post!

Well anyway... We're up at the Huntsman once again. Dan is receiving his third treatment. It consists of ifosfomide and etopiside. Dan's starting to feel the start of the nausea, but it's not too bad yet. We will hopefully go home on Monday.

Is anyone else as excited as I am for spring?!

V.I.P.

Friday night we watched Dan's temperature slowly climb. I remember that feeling from before. Our trusty thermometer beeps and I hold my breath and hope that it isn't above the 100.5 cut-off. Friday at about 8:00pm it reached 100.8. So we called the the hospital and they told us to pack up and get up to the hospital.

When we got here we found out that Dan's counts were extremely low. Most people's white blood cell count stays at about 10. When the effects of chemo set in, they may drop as low as three. Yesterday, Dan's were at 0.4. Wow! Good thing we came up to the hospital! Even though it's kind of a hassle to come all the way up here, I'd rather him have a low count here than a low count at home. The I.V. antibiotics will assist his immune system in fighting off bugs because he can't really do that on his own right now.

Okay, so now for the fun part... We totally got the V.I.P. room! Room #1 has always been very mysterious. It is hidden behind a few doors and I can only sneak a peak here and there. When we got here and realized all the rooms were full except for #1 I was so excited!! This room is reserved for people who donate to the hospital, or those who just want the nice room and are willing to pay and extra $100 dollars a night -- out of pocket! It has an amazing view with three different windows that give a panoramic view of the whole valley. I even have my own room! With a real bed! (well... when I say "real" I mean it's a hide-a-way bed inside a couch). And there's a microwave and refrigerator and two T.V.'s in our room!! Can you believe it? We're practically on vacation.

Dan's feeling good. I'm so happy he is. We're so blessed!

Shout outs

Shout out
noun \ˈshau̇t\ \ˈau̇t\

1) To acknowledge someone. To make ones presence known. I gave my girls a shout out at the party
2) A message to friends, family, etc. lodged on a radio station, web site, or other popular medium. I'd like to give a shout out to all of you reading this. You're seriously the best!


Wow I am totally overwhelmed right now. Maybe I should know better but I am blown away by the support. I feel like this time around I am able to be "in the moment" a little bit more because chemotherapy is so familiar. This is helpful because I now see the masses of people rallying around us. I would have never guessed that everyone around us would react this way again! Thank you from the bottom of my heart.

Our favorite part of the day is looking at the blogs and seeing who has left us little notes of encouragement. We don't take these lightly. Dan and I love to read them and love how connected we feel... even to people we haven't talked to in years! Our teachers, coaches, friends, moms of friends, co-workers, and the list goes on. Prayers are the most important and powerful support we recieve. We can feel the power of each one. Thank you, thank you.

I especially want to thank our wonderful family. My mom and dad have especially gone above and beyond. Meals, games, and constant visits. Thanks especially for the food! It is a welcome break from the food here that we are a little sick of. Thank you so much. Way to go Dallin on your Eagle!!! We're proud of you!

I had a very touching phone call today with my mother-in-law. She called this morning with a worried voice that only a mother has. She wanted to know every detail of everything going on. I am so lucky to get to witness the intense love from mother to son. But she did not call just to find out about Dan, the concern and worry was also for me. What an angel. Thanks for all you do. You're 1,000 miles away but it feels like you're right here with us experiencing everything we feel. We love you.

Thank you to all of our sisters. Our phones pretty much ring off the hook. We can guarantee that it will be either Sarah, Mallory, Emily, Liz of Maegan. Thank you!! My sister, Emily, has a baby that is very sick with RSV. He's on constant oxygen and has to be monitored very closely (they would have put him in the hospital, but instead they gave Emily all the equipment to use at home because she is THAT awesome). In spite of all this, her husband Robert has been over to visit us a couple times, and Emily has made dinner for us to eat tonight. Isn't she awesome?!

Friends have been so generous. Nancy and John, Joy and Drew, Schukman, and many others have gove out of their way to send Dan and I on fun dates, come over when we needed them the most, and just pour out love.

And last, but not least, Dan deserves a shout out
He's such a stud to do what he's doing with a smile on his face. Yo te amo.

So many shout outs so little time. Many many more deserve special shout outs. But please just know you're loved.

Deja Vu

Well, I'm sure most of you have already heard that Daniel's cancer has returned. Actually I hesitate to say "returned". Last March, when they told Dan that he was in remission, there were tiny little spots on his lungs. The doctors said that these could be lots of different things, including scar tissue left over from his previous lung surgeries. As long as they didn't grow, there was no reason to worry. That has been the case for the last four scans. However, last Monday we went in for our routine scans that we do every three months and it showed three spots have grown. Two nodules on his right lung and one on his left. So it is not new cancer, but it is cancer and so it is titled a "reoccurance".

It was almost like finding out that he has cancer all over again. Since that moment it has been a weird series of deja vu. Many thoughts have run through my mind. Some are similar thoughts, but already it's so different. Dan and I went home and immediately my reaction was "What lesson did I miss, or what did I fail to do last time that I need to do this time?" I thought there was something that was missing or that I did wrong and Heavenly Father needed to test us further. Then, my wise husband reminded me that sometimes tests are not about passing or failing. Heavenly Father is not sitting up there with a checklist and pen while we are enduring a trial. Sometimes it's just about proving our love to God. Dan reminded me that Job was a prophet, he probably didn't have a ton of learning to do, but he did have to prove his love to God. I'm not at all comparing us to Job, (our life is wonderful) but I did appreciate that lesson Dan taught me because it takes a lot of pressure away knowing that I didn't necessarily "fail" last time.

So now, here we are back at the Huntsman, on the 4th floor, watching the Olympics and watching the chemotherapy slowly drip into Dan. With every drop, I pray that it's the one that will kill the last live cancer cell in Dan's body. Talk about deja vu.

We're so grateful for the love we've felt. It is so wonderfully surprising that so many people aren't tired of praying for us yet! Thank you for not forgetting, because we feel the strength coming from your prayers.

Dan will now do 4 cycles of a couple drugs that his body hasn't seen yet (good news!). Methotrexate, etopaside and ifosfomide are all used with pediatric osteosarcoma and Dan is still young enough for it to work. After that, a scan to see if the nodules have gotten smaller. If they have then he is a good responder to the chemo and there will be four more cycles and then two more lung surgeries to remove the remaining nodules. Then another leg surgery to repair Dan's leg that still isn't healing. So, we've got a road in front of us. But one day at a time. You can do anything one day at a time.

Dan's going to beat this. Don't worry.