Deja Vu

Well, I'm sure most of you have already heard that Daniel's cancer has returned. Actually I hesitate to say "returned". Last March, when they told Dan that he was in remission, there were tiny little spots on his lungs. The doctors said that these could be lots of different things, including scar tissue left over from his previous lung surgeries. As long as they didn't grow, there was no reason to worry. That has been the case for the last four scans. However, last Monday we went in for our routine scans that we do every three months and it showed three spots have grown. Two nodules on his right lung and one on his left. So it is not new cancer, but it is cancer and so it is titled a "reoccurance".

It was almost like finding out that he has cancer all over again. Since that moment it has been a weird series of deja vu. Many thoughts have run through my mind. Some are similar thoughts, but already it's so different. Dan and I went home and immediately my reaction was "What lesson did I miss, or what did I fail to do last time that I need to do this time?" I thought there was something that was missing or that I did wrong and Heavenly Father needed to test us further. Then, my wise husband reminded me that sometimes tests are not about passing or failing. Heavenly Father is not sitting up there with a checklist and pen while we are enduring a trial. Sometimes it's just about proving our love to God. Dan reminded me that Job was a prophet, he probably didn't have a ton of learning to do, but he did have to prove his love to God. I'm not at all comparing us to Job, (our life is wonderful) but I did appreciate that lesson Dan taught me because it takes a lot of pressure away knowing that I didn't necessarily "fail" last time.

So now, here we are back at the Huntsman, on the 4th floor, watching the Olympics and watching the chemotherapy slowly drip into Dan. With every drop, I pray that it's the one that will kill the last live cancer cell in Dan's body. Talk about deja vu.

We're so grateful for the love we've felt. It is so wonderfully surprising that so many people aren't tired of praying for us yet! Thank you for not forgetting, because we feel the strength coming from your prayers.

Dan will now do 4 cycles of a couple drugs that his body hasn't seen yet (good news!). Methotrexate, etopaside and ifosfomide are all used with pediatric osteosarcoma and Dan is still young enough for it to work. After that, a scan to see if the nodules have gotten smaller. If they have then he is a good responder to the chemo and there will be four more cycles and then two more lung surgeries to remove the remaining nodules. Then another leg surgery to repair Dan's leg that still isn't healing. So, we've got a road in front of us. But one day at a time. You can do anything one day at a time.

Dan's going to beat this. Don't worry.